photography <3
Written July 2024
I bought my first External Hard Drive and SSD Drive to edit photos I took back in June. However, unboxing the little instruction manuals and plugging the drives in was as much as I could fathom.
[shot June 26, full collection coming “soon”]
My brain was unable to comprehend a single word or sentence on a computer for a whole week–maybe even a week and a half—wait, it’s been two weeks.
It is utterly frustrating to want to do something you know you are otherwise capable of doing and being unable to do it.
My head hurt so much–a persistent encasing of pain–and I was too nauseous to do anything but lay down.
It is disappointing to be unable to complete simple tasks such as understanding that pushing “I Accept” means you accept the terms and conditions set in its own little button.
Like I’ve done that simple act for years and yet my brain lapses in disbelief, grrr.
It is disheartening to think of the future and the goals I want to accomplish because if I can’t do this on any given day, when can I?
When will I be reliable without compromising my health?
The only thing that I’ve been willing to do that doesn’t induce a headache (at that moment) is photography.
Something about spinning a dial, looking through a viewfinder, and pushing a button. The only thing in these moments I have to worry about is what is in that little square.
[shot July 5 & 17]
Even when Mia Lorelei enticed a hike with a photoshoot, I thwarted the possible repercussions (headaches, lowered brain function, insomnia, etc.) because I wanted to be a part of this shoot. I wanted to show up for my cousin/best friend. I wanted to show up for the art.
And because the photos turned out well, the hike was fun (yet absolutely crazy), and the company was great–I’ll probably put myself in harm's way again for a shoot.
[Shoot for Mia Lorelei’s single “Running Cold”, shot July 14, full collection coming soon]
Chiedza Pasipanodya of Impact writes,
“everything that i consume makes or breaks my day. in a body where excitement has often been placed yards ahead of comfort, of care, of the body, i am learning the latter three are an imperative.” (“How to: Consume Care, Caringly” 126)
–
For some reason as I read that back, I was like, Why are you so attached to this aspect of your life (concussions/pain)? But how can I not be when I feel it every day? When I’ve felt it almost every day for the past five and a half years?
It’s only now that I’m working towards things that feel in alignment with the life I want to live. In the beginning, I had to finish high school and see whether formal higher education was the right path for me as a new young adult.
The thing that’s keeping me sane–has kept me sane–is art.
Let’s just see where my health and art will guide me.