the Archive

The following is my Concentration from AP Art Junior year, school year: 2019-2020. 

At the end of the school year, my teacher asked for accompanying statements to each piece. Here is the order of my story, not the order of the portfolio I sent to the board. [I have no idea what my score came to be.]

Concentration Statement

My pieces concentrate around my journey of having daily headaches since February 2019 and how they have affected my life as a student-athlete. My headaches have shown me my varying levels of strength, adaptability, and will.

In my Sustained Investigation, I explored how each doctor's appointment, treatment and the normal day in my life affected my emotions, outlook on life, and the next part of the process towards balance. I worked to express myself through color and how my imagination precedes reality. I used both acrylic and watercolor paint to show the distinction between brightness, solidness, and the softness of color. For example, you can tell the difference in “Balance”: where I wanted to show how once I grew older, it was harder to keep balance between the dark and light in life as the dark may overcome the light; and “Zoom”: where I wanted to show that as I felt physically & mentally weak and confused after so many months that I compared myself to the realness of objects in life. I then experimented with pastels as I have never used them before and realized how strong they appear to be which reflects in how powerful my emotions were in pieces “Your’e Not Helping” and “Routine”.

Your’e Not Helping

17 x 11.5 in , soft pastel & pen on paper 

At first, my family believed that my headaches were the effect of a possible food allergy and we went to the doctor. I wondered how allergies affected my focus and inability to do everyday activities. I got my blood tested multiple times and they ended up testing me for other things that may be the cause of my headaches. I felt that with the amount of times they drew blood that it was useless, but at least I know now that I have thalassemia minor.

The Double Check

16 x 20 in , acrylic paint on canvas board

When I first got my blood tested for food allergies, it told us that I was allergic to everything. However, I couldn't have been allergic to every food in the world, so I had to take a prick test. In the end, I found out that I am mildly allergic to soy and severely allergic to every grass, and almost all trees and weeds. The pain of not being able to do anything through this test and till’ now, is like falling into an unknown field of helplessness.

“…now, look at the squirrel”

15.5 x 12 in , colored pencil, pen & acrylic paint on paper

My first neurology appointment was in this room and many more times after that. There is a picture of a squirrel across from where I sit and its very intimidating. I’m supposed to look at it when my neurologist shines a light in my eyes to see if they dilate. However, all I’m thinking about is how everyone and the squirrel is looking at me.

Floating

11 x 14 in , acrylic pain & pen on canvas board

Our first trial: knocking the headaches out with prescription drugs. I had to learn how to take pills and they just kept getting bigger. Luckily, it was the beginning of summer when we began Antidepressants and anti-seizure medicine. 

They changed my moods and before I knew it with the last medication, I had to stop before the month ended because my legs felt like noodles: I don't really know how that works, but let me tell you, it’s not good nor safe.

Balance

12 x 9 in , acrylic & watercolor on mat board

My neurologist suggested acupuncture for our next step… and it only lasted for a month [if something didn’t work by the end of 30 days we stopped]. I had seeds in my ears, magnets on my arms, and moxibustion burning on me. I learned that the body has Qi Channels: Qi is life force and it flows through twelve primary channels to the head in different levels of Yin and Yang. As Yin and Yang represent balance, the 5 elements of Traditional Chinese Medicine interact to form a balance as well.

The Magnetic Resonance

12 x 9.5 in , colored pencil, acrylic paint & pen on paper

My neurologist set up an MRI in October 2019. With an MRI, it can rule out and give specific answers to our questions as it uses magnetic fields and radio waves to produce a computer-generated image. Thankfully, but in spite, the MRI showed no plaque.

Misaligned

Unknown , acrylic paint on mat board

From October 2019 to the beginning of March 2020, I went to physical therapy and biofeedback. Physical therapy was set to fix my posture and any other pain that can cause headaches. Any pain from your toes to your head, leads to more pain for the next part of your body. Because I stopped playing sports as I got these headaches, my legs and ankles aren’t as strong causing my hips is be misaligned; I’ve also lost some mobility in my upper back.

Zoom

8.5 x 11 in , pen, acrylic & watercolor on paper

Sometimes, when I get up too fast, or even when I turn my head the slightest bit at the wrong time my eyes can’t register what I see and I can only see black or everything is blurry; I get nauseous; and/or I get light headed. This is partly due to having thalassemia minor.

Me

11 x 14 in , acrylic paint on canvas board

This is a self portrait after having headaches for more than a year. [Not sure why I didn’t just name this self-portrait.]

Routine

5.5 x 8.5 in , soft pastel, colored pencil and pen on paper

I’ve found that having a routine helps me have a balanced lifestyle. Balance is key and it can ensure your growth as an individual.

— — —

Four years removed, I hadn’t remembered this time of life like I had lived it. I remember being poked so many times: the fellow Filipino nurses taking my blood and the fairy-esque one who gave me the allergic reactions. The scary fucking squirrel, the patience of my pediatric neurologist, and hating being high. The beeping of an mri–I remember wearing gray sweats and my Paramore t-shirt. Finding “Misaligned” after I graduated in the athletic trainer’s office and it has been missing ever since. I remember not knowing what I was doing when I made the self portrait; I remember half-assing “Balance” for a deadline. I remember Bandslam being a comfort movie [“Routine”].

I remember the portfolio requirements changing every year (10th-12th grade). I remember my teacher trying to make zoom class interesting and being realistic when it came to knowing zoom wasn’t fun.

I remember not knowing what to do for any of my concentrations and settling on a journal for 11th & 12th grade.

— — —

I remember not liking how “The Double Check” and “Balance” came out. I remember being very proud of the portfolio by the end of it, however. Finishing it, even doing it–transferring each image from thought to physical.

I remember not caring what score I’d get because I relished in the artistic journey. 

I had experienced this real thing and didn’t associate the validation of a portfolio to the inner workings of my body.