A Vow
23 August 2024
Why have I never googled “Why are migraines and concussions similar?”
AI Overview states: “Migraines and concussions share many similar pathophysiologic mechanisms, including cortical spreading depression and failure in brain ion homeostasis. This overlap can make it difficult to differentiate between the two, and a concussion can even trigger a migraine.”
[note: dude what’s with google automatically giving me an AI response–I don’t want an AI answer, I want to do the research myself bro…but here I am giving you the AI answer anyways]
“Here are some other ways that migraines and concussions are similar:
Migraines and posttraumatic headaches (PTM) are common after concussions
Persistent post-concussive symptoms may trigger migraines
“Other factors that may be associated with migraines and concussions include:
Trauma – Migraines can be triggered by traumatic events like car accidents. Concussions are often caused by a blow, bump, or jolt to the head.
Fight or flight system – After a head injury, the fight or flight system may dominate, which can lead to headaches, fatigue, memory problems, and more.”
I still don’t get it. And I don’t even know what it is…
—
I have vowed to make my health a main focus moving forward, not just let it be.
So that means more labs, appointments, consultations, etcetera, etcetera. Which to no one’s shock, came to the same conclusions from five and three years ago.
However, since I knew that was a possibility I went into my appointments with my primary care doctor and my neurologist, respectively, with no expectations.
“I’m not expecting a miracle or something, but I just want to try to do something about it again.”
It was my first time seeing these doctors–in relation to my headaches–alone. I am proud of myself for how well I articulated myself and held myself together.
So, even though I held no expectations and spoke my piece (peace?), why did it feel like both a weight was lifted off of my chest and another was quickly placed back on?
I bet I did have expectations, I mean who am I kidding? Of course I did, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.
…
When answering the neurological consult questions it became apparent to me how confining this experience has been. I am nauseous every day. “The headaches don’t seem to have changed since I last saw you three years ago.” My circadian rhythm isn’t consistent…[Oh but how it has felt that these headaches have changed–they change every day and every day is a trek to get through, so how could they have not changed? How have I not changed? Oh, those are not the same things, I and the headache.]
At least he [my neurologist] stated that I have “chronic migraines & nausea”--I haven’t known what to call my condition because, for some reason, I didn’t accept that what I have are migraines. The migraines I saw other kids have growing up–maybe I didn’t think they were real? I don’t know, that sounds stupid.
I also thought migraines were a specific type of pain and since I had experienced the quintessence of pain in my head, I thought there would be a different term to describe this all-encompassing experience.
…
14 October 2024
Something I had brought up to my GP was my circadian rhythm. There are bouts of insomnia, waking up multiple times a night, never feeling rested, etcetera, etcetera. She recommended I read “Why We Sleep” by Mathew Walker, PhD.
I’ve never really been into science-related nonfiction; I’m more into sociology, philosophy, memoirs, that kind of thing. So it’s been a slow read.
But goodness gracious how I have been looking at sleep in a totally unaccommodating way!
…
Just as he recommended three years ago, my neurologist suggested I rethink my stance on taking medication, getting shots, and botox (respectively, of course). As I promised myself I would try, I asked my dad to help round up the information on each (yay spreadsheets, yay dad).
I figured no botox – didn’t want the chance at changing how I look [even if it seems every so often I don’t recognize myself anyways]. I don’t know how big the pills would be + trauma from the three meds my first neurologist had me try. So shots it would be–it at least would be in my thigh and not my forehead.
I got back to him within the week (I promised it wouldn’t be another three years) and we got it set up…Until I couldn’t figure out why I was so anxious waiting for my local pharmacy to receive the authorization…It sat in my inbox for close to three weeks…And I finally realized I couldn’t risk what little control I had for something that could possibly worsen my quality of life.
Thus, here I am confused as hell as to what I want to do–ever :: The state of my body and brain; The state of my mental health; How I want to spend my time; How I should spend my time; Where do I want to be today, tomorrow, five months from now, five years from now; How do I want to be remembered?